I don’t do many journaling entries… Mainly because when I really, really want to journal I also generally am wanting to vent and no one needs to hear all that mopiness.
I feel however, this one I need to put up. I haven’t been posting and a lot of it is in the way I have felt like my life was just going in a million directions and I just didn’t feel successful in it. I am going to use an analogy of being stuck in the middle of the lake in a storm. I would be in a pool floaty. I felt I had no control of which way my life was tossing me, but I wasn’t quite being drowned. Which honestly, can be a pretty dangerous place to be. Because you are feeling completely lost but not totally desperate and I tend to not talk to people.
Whether it is relationships, financial issues or even getting accustomed to a new job. Any issues I had I haven’t really been talking to anyone about or venting them unless I was totally overwhelmed and upset. When my apartment had some pretty serious blow-ups this week, I had someone say something critically I disagreed with; instead of letting the statements roll off me or calmly discussing them, I blew up. I absolutely freaked out. This person had no idea the issues in my life that were going on and that in itself I began to take quite personally. How dare they criticize me during this time? Don’t they realize I am having a horrendous day? Why can’t they see I am freaking out?
Going back to the analogy of the pool floaty, there are times that things were going amazing in my life and the storm abated. Instead of me taking that time to try to set a path for the direction I need to travel in my life, I would take a deep breath and just enjoy the lack of problems in my life. I mean relaxation is a vital part of being a healthy individual, but at some point I need to focus my life and not just try to survive day to day.
I hope this doesn’t seem too cheesy.
…not an opportunity for bashing. From myself or others. Making the lifestyle choice of becoming vegan, especially in the great state of Texas, seems to put a target on your chest or a theoretical cannon in your hand. People immediately seem to get defensive about their eating habits and some even resort to mockery. I am not here to whine, but reassure that this blog is not going to a podium for me to judge others but merely a way for me to report and record my thoughts on changing my lifestyle so drastically.
Now a bit about myself.
I am a twenty-three year old LMT who lives in Texas, the meat capital of the world. I am very happy with my life… but not my health. As an individual who has struggled with obesity the majority of her life, by this point, I have predominantly accepted and embraced my curves and learned to appreciate other aspects of myself aside from my figure. I went to the doctor however a few months back and she sat me down and told me that things weren’t looking good. Though my numbers were all in the normal range, she didn’t know how with my size, she stressed the danger I was in with a family history of diabetes and heart disease. I decided to look into various weight loss diets and methods at that point in order to achieve this.
Now, veganism wasn’t something that randomly popped up on a search result while I was going through this. When I was in high school I did have a brief stint where I lost around forty pounds becoming a vegetarian, so with previous success in mind I started researching different diet plans that centered around that. That is whenever I remembered the Eat to Live plan. I had a dear friend I used to work with at Barnes and Noble who lost eighty pounds following this model and felt so healthy and energetic during it. (When I was in high school I struggled with anemia and fatigue due to poor diet planning.) So I bought the book and really began to research this lifestyle as much as I could.
About two weeks ago I made the switch. I feel amazing, but I have a strong feeling that there is going to be more struggles along the way and I wanted to be candid and talk about the issues I was already dealing with and ones I am sure that will come along.