I don’t do many journaling entries… Mainly because when I really, really want to journal I also generally am wanting to vent and no one needs to hear all that mopiness.
I feel however, this one I need to put up. I haven’t been posting and a lot of it is in the way I have felt like my life was just going in a million directions and I just didn’t feel successful in it. I am going to use an analogy of being stuck in the middle of the lake in a storm. I would be in a pool floaty. I felt I had no control of which way my life was tossing me, but I wasn’t quite being drowned. Which honestly, can be a pretty dangerous place to be. Because you are feeling completely lost but not totally desperate and I tend to not talk to people.
Whether it is relationships, financial issues or even getting accustomed to a new job. Any issues I had I haven’t really been talking to anyone about or venting them unless I was totally overwhelmed and upset. When my apartment had some pretty serious blow-ups this week, I had someone say something critically I disagreed with; instead of letting the statements roll off me or calmly discussing them, I blew up. I absolutely freaked out. This person had no idea the issues in my life that were going on and that in itself I began to take quite personally. How dare they criticize me during this time? Don’t they realize I am having a horrendous day? Why can’t they see I am freaking out?
Going back to the analogy of the pool floaty, there are times that things were going amazing in my life and the storm abated. Instead of me taking that time to try to set a path for the direction I need to travel in my life, I would take a deep breath and just enjoy the lack of problems in my life. I mean relaxation is a vital part of being a healthy individual, but at some point I need to focus my life and not just try to survive day to day.
I hope this doesn’t seem too cheesy.